I Wonder If Fate Has Anything To Do With This?

Have you ever lost a certain thing more than once? And each time, that thing comes back to you?

Last night I lost my room key for the second time. I was very tired coming back from work and planning to go straight to bed after I had my dinner, but then it was ruined when I realized that my room key was gone. Being a super clumsy girl, I have trained myself not to be panic when something is lost. Instead, I tried to remember where I could possibly lose it and think of what to do if I really can’t find that thing. I had this hunch that I lost it either right before I went to work or when I arrived at work. I went to ask the security in front of my boarding house but he said that he didn’t know a thing about my key, so I asked to call the person who holds the spare key. Then I went to the ATM to top up my phone balance in case I need to make a phone call. By the time I got back, a driver from the online transportation I used earlier to go to work was talking to the security and later he told me that my key was found by the friend of that driver (in other words, it was found by my driver earlier when he drove me to work). I was very glad but also a bit surprised because honestly, I wasn’t expecting that at all. I was so ready to accept that my key was really gone, but then it miraculously came back to the owner.

I couldn’t help but laugh, feeling a bit nostalgic about this situation. A few years ago, I experienced the same thing. I had just came back from a mall, feeling happy and all after a good night, but then I realized that my room key was gone. That day I didn’t have any hunch where I might have probably dropped the key, but luckily the key was found in the cinema (I did watch a film there beforehand).

For me, the lesson I got from this story is that no matter how many times you lose it, if it is truly yours, it will eventually come back to you.

The moral lesson, however, is that I need to be extra careful next time not to lose it.

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Miracle in December

 

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A friend of mine asked me a few days ago, “When was the last time you cry?”

I know that he has always been a random guy asking random questions at random times, and I usually never have to think long before answering. In fact, my head instantly gave me the answer : a few months ago. But I ended up answering, “This February”. Because it was the day when I felt like crying the most in my entire life. It is almost a year now, and I know that I should have gotten over it by now. Looking back, I know I’m supposed to be laughing at it and saying “Nah, those are all in the past”.

It’s Christmas in one week, one of my most favorite moments, because Christmas equals happiness to me. If one asks, “What is your best Christmas memory?”

“Last Christmas.”

“We were having a normal date as we used to do. After watching a movie, in the evening, we went downstairs to the park, and we saw children singing Christmas songs on the stage. I have always loved Christmas songs, so we stopped to sit at a nearby bench and listen to the songs. It was calm, it was peaceful, it was beautiful. We didn’t talk much, and for a moment I felt like everything was just perfect. Santa Claus didn’t have to give me anything, everything was going well. I just wish that next Christmas, I would want to do the same thing here, with him.”

“Who would have thought that it would be one of our last dates?”

“My anxiety. My unforeseen future. The future that involves not only me, but people that may depend on me. Choosing between the ideal future and what my heart wants, both will bring me regrets anyway. The thing is, which one will bring me more regrets?”

“Last night, when I walked past that big Christmas tree, I couldn’t help but remember all the beautiful memories we have shared. I tried my best to hold my tears from falling down.”

“And at that exact moment I finally understood. Why I have been sleeping a lot. Why the thought of watching movies is not that interesting anymore. Why I have constantly felt lonely. The urge to spend more time with people around me instead of being alone.”

“Why, for a long time, there is nothing I look forward to.”

I miss you. I miss you so much to the point that, everywhere I go, I hope you will be there by any chance, even though it is near to impossible. I miss you that I hope you will knock on my door and bring me food as you used to do. I miss you that when I saw you in my dream, I prayed you would still stay by my side when I woke up.

But to say these things to you in person, I don’t have the courage to do so. After all, we didn’t have a proper good bye. After all, I don’t even know what you are thinking and how you would react. After all, I still don’t know why I am still holding on to that feeling until now. And this foolish self of mine, instead of screaming out loud, can only speak what I’m feeling through words.

I don’t know whether Santa is reading blogs to know one’s wish or that I have been a good girl this year, but I’m starting to hope that Santa will grant me a wish this year. That one miracle in December…

 

いつでも捜しているよ どっかに君の姿を
向いのホーム 路地裏の窓
こんなとこにいるはずもないのに
願いがもしも叶うなら 今すぐ君のもとへ
できないことは もうなにもない
すべてかけて抱きしめてみせるよ

– Masayoshi Yamazaki

 

 

Hello World.

…is probably the most common two words programmers must be familiar with. Like, every programming language tutorial always teaches us to print these two words on the screen. Somebody must have wondered why. Me too.

And so here I am, borrowing those two effective words, to be the title of my first post. The reason I’m writing this post is to replace the custom first blog post, of course. And to welcome you, world beings, to my writing realm nyeahahaha~

First of all, I must say that this blog is not necessarily important. I am not (yet) a pro blogger, and I write for my own pleasure.  But I do hope that (maybe) this blog can be of any use to you, hoho. Any comments or critics will be greatly appreciated.

See you on the next post!