Three years ago, during my last year in college, I applied for a marketing part time job, hoping to gain more experience in marketing campaigns and strategies, handling events in particular. When I got accepted, I just realized it was actually a sales job. I had never done such thing before and honestly was not very interested in sales, but I resolved to do my best until the end of the term.
This book is a parting gift from one of my former coworkers who is an avid reader. I was very thankful for the thoughtful gift – for me, it is always a pleasure to receive a book as a gift. However, at that time I was heavily invested in romance novels, God knows why, which I eventually came to realize did not give me any added values other than… raising the standard for potential love interest. There was also this tiny question upon receiving this book, “Does he secretly think that I need to improve the way I speak to people?” It certainly did not discourage me to read this book; it’s just that I was not into nonfiction books because it lulled me to sleep pretty fast compared to that calming ocean sound.
Then, when I started to visit my favorite bookstore regularly, I saw this book quite a lot on the best-selling rack. That’s when I thought that my former coworker did not just buy me the book because of something I was lack of, but it was also because this was no ordinary book. Little motivation was gradually built to read this book until it was casually mentioned last week in a conversation with a friend that finally made me decide, “Yeah, I’m so gonna read this book now.”
So here I am a week later, finished with the book and ready to write my review. Honestly, I did not expect myself to tremendously enjoy this kind of book, but what can I say? This book was first published in 1937, and almost a century later it is still very relevant to our everyday life. A book about technology is most likely obsolete in a few years time, but a book about psychology may last for decades, even centuries. I guess that is just how consistent human nature is.
CONTENT
The book is divided into four parts : Fundamental Techniques in Handling People, Six Ways To Make People Like You, How To Win People To Your Thinking, and Be A Leader : How To Change People Without Giving Offense or Arousing Resentment. Each part consists of several chapters where each chapter elaborates the lesson by telling generous number of real successful cases upon applying the lesson. Since mentioning all the lessons may not be appropriate, allow me to summarize some of my favorite points from this book (taken from various parts):
- Give honest and sincere appreciation
Be “hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise” – this is the quote repeatedly mentioned throughout the book and I can’t agree more. It has always been easier to point out one’s wrongdoing than to mention one’s good deed. Nothing good comes from pointing out one’s fault – shame, wrongly accused, resentment, depression, you name it. However, by giving honest and sincere appreciation (not flattery which is all fake), the person we address will feel good, important, respected, and a good relationship will follow. Just a few nice, sincere words about someone, and it also does not cost you anything.
- Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
There is this saying that goes “God created human with two ears and one mouth so that we can do more listening than talking”. Apparently, we tend to do just the opposite. Our ego drives us to talk more about ourselves especially something we can boast to others. Well, not everyone is interested in our stories, and if you want to get someone to like you, it is best to be genuinely interested in them first. Let them talk, listen to their talking, make them open up to you. Nowadays I find it hard to find someone who listen to us attentively, and those kind of people are the ones I consider the best kind of friend.
- The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.
I have always disliked getting into an argument because whatever the result is, I always feel bad. Winning makes me sorry for the losing party and results in potential strained relationship. Losing makes me resent the winning party. So why getting into an argument if you can finish the differences in a diplomatic way? Assure the opposite party that the only difference is the method, but we are definitely heading the same goal.
- If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.
Our pride often prevents us from admitting something wrong that we are aware of and this often causes more trouble. If we can lower our pride and admit our wrongdoing sincerely, the other party is also left with no choice but to accept and often goes softer on you.
- Give the other person reputation to live up to.
People usually have a reason for doing things, and if it is not in their interest, they will not do it. One of the reasons we can create to make people do the things we want is by creating a reputation for them to live up to. For example, if we praise someone for being such a diligent cleaner who does his job meticulously, he will try to live up to the praise.
VERDICT
I am very impressed with how the author perfectly pointed out the essential lessons needed to build a good relationship with others. I did come to realize most of them after many encounters with many people,but they only swam in my thoughts – this book successfully speaks them to me out loud and it creates a different sensation. Although the lessons taught are not exactly new things, the points are written in exciting ways that makes the book an enjoyable read. Instead of explaining in theories (like I did above), the author provides a lot of real stories with real outcomes. I felt like reading a compilation of short stories instead of a self help book. Since the book was written long time ago, most of the people mentioned are not familiar to me (I just recognized a name or two, like Roosevelt and Abraham Lincoln). However, I am convinced that this book was written after a great length of research – hats off to the author. Final words? This book is a must-read for those who seek to build great relationship with other people and also amazingly entertaining as an added bonus. Go grab one for yourself now! 🙂
strawberrykiwisunkisses.wordpress.com 